Chemistry

When I was in Korea they talked about how they decided to marry. They would not marry because of love, but instead they would calculate how the marriage would affect their life and improve the marketability of the entire family and then decide if this was the right fit. I was often told that Koreans would marry and then love rather than the way Americans do it where we love and then get married. I had thought this was a terrible way to decide to marry, but then I would realize that you can't judge a society's way of doing things unless you were a part of that society. They have a reason to do things their way and you can't understand it unless you understand how things fit together.

I was thinking about all the women I have dated through the years and the two women I have married and what the difference is between them. I have dated many women, and many I can't remember. There are a 4 or 5 women I still can't get out of my mind. What's the different between the women? I always thought I could get a long with any woman, but it needs to be reciprocated also. The woman has to want the relationship to work also. So, what is so special about the 4 or 5 women that I haven't forgotten. One of those girls was a girl I met in Minnesota when I was 9 years old. I guess that was my first crush that I saw when I was on vacation with my grandmother.

Mary is another person I will never forget. And then 3 others since college. Why aren't there more that I think of as very close, including the two I was married to. What is the difference? Does that mean I didn't love the other women? Does that mean there is something else going on? Is it possible to decide to love someone, and is an arranged marriage better than one that is for love? Then countries I know that have arranged marriages have strange relationships between the husband and wife. It is like a business where both people know what is expected. Then men bring home the money and the woman takes care of the children and house.

In those societies the spouses don't spend must time together. The husband often won't come home until midnight or 1am and leave early in the morning. The wife will often go out with her friends and spend much time at their parents' house. There is a lot of unfaithfulness in those type of societies.

Love isn't the magic we think it is if it can be developed into a stronger force and grown. Love cannot come from the head, it needs to come from the heart. I think that is really the question.

With the 4 or 5 women that I have had special feelings for there seemed to be a connection between the two of us. I didn't always agree with what they said or did and I was often upset by them, but I always understood why they did it. I felt like I could feel them not just hear them. Sometimes this developed into a relationship and sometimes it didn't. A relationship develops if things make sense, but if the timing isn't right ... or other factors than it doesn't turn into a relationship. I feel there is a bind between people you have chemistry with. This bind is stronger that marriage or sex, it is something that stays with you all your life.

Sometimes you look for that chemistry and sometimes you don't. It often just happens. I always wonder if the chemistry happens on one side or both sides. Some people think there is one person out there for everyone. I don't think it is exactly that. I think there are a variety of people that have similar chemistry and when they get near each other it is felt between people that have similar chemistry. It can't be found if looked for, it just appears at different times in your life when you meet different people. Hopefully chemistry works at the same time you find the ideal person for you, but often we marry an ideal person that there is no chemistry.