I'm an angel

Proverbs 16:33 says, "The lot is cast into the lap; but the whole disposing thereof is of the Lord." another translation says, "The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the Lord." Lot is like dice, it is a form of gambling. It doesn't matter what you want to do, what you want to accomplish in your life, if God has different plans than you have then what he wants will prevail. If God allows me to do what I want then I get to do what I want. I have never been able to accomplish the things I wanted to do with my life. I have done the "right" things, but things never happen the way I want them to.

I have always been frustrated since college. Up until then I have always been successful in what I wanted to do. I always got the high school classes and teachers I wanted. I always was able to make the changes in my life I have wanted. I was relatively content. I got into the college I wanted, I didn't even know it was supposed to be difficult. I had opportunities that others wanted and didn't get. I didn't know life could be difficult. The I graduated from college. I got into the Army, but I didn't get the job in the Army I wanted. I graduated with an elementary teaching credential, but they put me into a field that was for engineering and very technical.

I went through 9 months of training learning about electronics I got to Germany and there was no job in that field and they put me in a unit where I didn't use any of the electronics and could have done the training in only 3 months. I also didn't want to go to Germany. I called to see if I could get it changed, I wanted to go ANYWHERE BUT Germany. It seemed like it was out of my control completely. From that time on I had no control over what happened to me. I did everything I was supposed to do, and got none of the benefits.What did start happening was I was put in situations where I affected lives.

I was in Germany for 3 years and I met many different people. Many had problems I had no idea how to handle, but it turned out I was in the right place at the right time. When I got back from Germany the Army decided to force me out because of the weird jobs I had in Germany. I fought the attempt to get me out and won. I found out some things I didn't know about what I did in Germany and found out I affected more people than I thought I had. As my life continued I realized I had no control in my life. It didn't matter what I did, I would be forced into situations I didn't necessarily want to be in. After many years I read Proverbs 16:33 which explained many things. It made me realize I was an angel sent to earth to do God's work. 

I find I have been in places and met people where I was uniquely qualified to help. I no longer worry about being successful in my life, I realize my life is not mine it belongs to God and He will do with me what He wants. I am not saying I am always good. I am not saying I am Holy. I am saying I am a normal guy with normal problems, maybe more problems than most people, but I have no control over my life. I sometimes feel I am watching my life being controlled like a puppet. Rather than controlling my life myself. I am there when people need me and I quietly fade away when I'm not needed. If this sounds like I am being prideful then you are reading this wrong, or I am not able to explain myself very well.

 I had to come up with the decision I was being successful since I was starting to look at myself as a failure. I think we are all here as angels, to do God's work, and we are sometimes like those spies that are put into an area and not activated until they are needed. I just have been used a lot since I have been effective. It also feels good to call myself an ANGEL rather than a failure in everything I try!