I got rid of my cats today!

Three years ago on Halloween day I went to the animal shelter and got 2 cats. I wanted an animal around the house to give me company. I lived alone and thought it was bad to be alone all the time. Cats were a great addition to the house. They made me feel like I was responsible for something other than myself and it was nice to come home to something other than an empty house. I got 2 cats since one would get lonely when I'm on the road so much. Things worked out well after I got used to the hair being EVERYWHERE. They would sleep in my bed and they both were different and complemented each other.

When I would wake up one would always be at my feet and the other would be at the head of the bed. When I would sit down one would sit across the room and watch me and the other would jump in my lap. After my shower one would always come to the side of the tub to be petted as I dry myself and the other would sit at the door and watch. Both cats had definitely unique personalities and I could tell which cat would do what in any situation. The hair started driving me crazy, I had cat hair all over the house, on the furniture, on the rug, on the bed, and even in the car which they never rode in. I had guests come over and refuse to sit down since there was cat hair everywhere.

I was still ok with these problems, the cats made me feel like I wasn't alone. I looked forward to come home because I felt like my friends were there. A year ago a woman came over to my house and told me that there was a lot of cat pee in the closet. Over the months I realized how bad it was getting. A few months ago I realize that they were peeing in the hamper, so I had to keep that behind a closed door. I started throwing clothes and bedding away that got too bad and couldn't be cleaned. In the last few weeks the cats decided to really go to war with me. One was peeing everywhere. I caught him peeing in the shower once. Then I saw that he had urinated in the sink. I would clean up after him and scrub and spray with fragrance so it wouldn't be repeated.

Then I found out the cats were urinating on the bed, which I was surprised since I always heard an animal doesn't soil where they sleep. A week ago I found out the cat had peed on the chair I always sit on. I felt sorry for the cat and thought it was a mistake. I cleaned it well and got rid of the smell. The next day I was gone and when I got home there was pee on the chair again. I cleaned it up and put boxes and things on the chair so the cats couldn't get on it. When I came home from my recent trip I found the cats had done it again on my chair. This morning I wasn't even out of the house and when I walked into the living room the cat was on the chair peeing on the top of the chair. I realized then that I had to do something.

This afternoon I went to the shelter I got the cats from and they told me they couldn't guarantee the cats wouldn't be euthanized since most people wants kittens not cats. I said ok. I need to take control of my life again. I am tired of dreading coming home to see what the cats did to my house again. I took the cats back to the shelter today at 5pm. When I came home I threw away the litter boxes and got rid of the food bowls and the scratching post. I vacuumed the carpet and mopped all the floors. This weekend I don't work so I will clean the carpets and the furniture and start getting rid of all the hair. I feel positive about what is going on, but I feel guilty about taking the cats to the shelter. I am very very sad tonight and will find ways not to be alone as much as I can.

I'm an angel

Proverbs 16:33 says, "The lot is cast into the lap; but the whole disposing thereof is of the Lord." another translation says, "The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the Lord." Lot is like dice, it is a form of gambling. It doesn't matter what you want to do, what you want to accomplish in your life, if God has different plans than you have then what he wants will prevail. If God allows me to do what I want then I get to do what I want. I have never been able to accomplish the things I wanted to do with my life. I have done the "right" things, but things never happen the way I want them to.

I have always been frustrated since college. Up until then I have always been successful in what I wanted to do. I always got the high school classes and teachers I wanted. I always was able to make the changes in my life I have wanted. I was relatively content. I got into the college I wanted, I didn't even know it was supposed to be difficult. I had opportunities that others wanted and didn't get. I didn't know life could be difficult. The I graduated from college. I got into the Army, but I didn't get the job in the Army I wanted. I graduated with an elementary teaching credential, but they put me into a field that was for engineering and very technical.

I went through 9 months of training learning about electronics I got to Germany and there was no job in that field and they put me in a unit where I didn't use any of the electronics and could have done the training in only 3 months. I also didn't want to go to Germany. I called to see if I could get it changed, I wanted to go ANYWHERE BUT Germany. It seemed like it was out of my control completely. From that time on I had no control over what happened to me. I did everything I was supposed to do, and got none of the benefits.What did start happening was I was put in situations where I affected lives.

I was in Germany for 3 years and I met many different people. Many had problems I had no idea how to handle, but it turned out I was in the right place at the right time. When I got back from Germany the Army decided to force me out because of the weird jobs I had in Germany. I fought the attempt to get me out and won. I found out some things I didn't know about what I did in Germany and found out I affected more people than I thought I had. As my life continued I realized I had no control in my life. It didn't matter what I did, I would be forced into situations I didn't necessarily want to be in. After many years I read Proverbs 16:33 which explained many things. It made me realize I was an angel sent to earth to do God's work. 

I find I have been in places and met people where I was uniquely qualified to help. I no longer worry about being successful in my life, I realize my life is not mine it belongs to God and He will do with me what He wants. I am not saying I am always good. I am not saying I am Holy. I am saying I am a normal guy with normal problems, maybe more problems than most people, but I have no control over my life. I sometimes feel I am watching my life being controlled like a puppet. Rather than controlling my life myself. I am there when people need me and I quietly fade away when I'm not needed. If this sounds like I am being prideful then you are reading this wrong, or I am not able to explain myself very well.

 I had to come up with the decision I was being successful since I was starting to look at myself as a failure. I think we are all here as angels, to do God's work, and we are sometimes like those spies that are put into an area and not activated until they are needed. I just have been used a lot since I have been effective. It also feels good to call myself an ANGEL rather than a failure in everything I try!

I got great legs!

A few years ago I was working at night as an ESL teacher for the local adult school and every spring I would take my class out to teach them out to play softball. When I teach I usually wear a long sleeve shirt and tie, but when we go play softball I wear shorts. One of these evenings the principal of the school saw me and made the comment that I had nice legs. I laughed and probably would have taken it more seriously if she wasn't 72 years old. Through the years different people have told me the same thing and then they usually tell me it would be nice if the rest of my body matched my skinny legs!

I personally have never liked my legs and have always felt they were too skinny and my knees too knobby. But, like the others say I wish the rest of me would match my legs. (my youngest daughter said that exact thing last week) With all the running I have been doing in the past 2 years I now really like my legs. My calves have muscle, my thighs have muscles, and my quadriceps are really defined. I never knew what the quadriceps were before, but I had to look them up because I am impressed with my muscles in front of my upper legs. I want to keep up my running because I am starting to like my legs.

It sounds weird for me to say that since I have never liked my body. It has always been to thin or too fat or too out of proportion. A year ago I realized I had a butt and I liked that and now I know what quadriceps are since those are starting to impress me. I guess I should work on my belly now, but that hasn't worked out well in the past.

My heart is gone!

Sometimes I think I'm too busy. I work full time as an educational consultant for the Army National Guard. I have a multitude of responsiblities in that job and I try to like it. It never does any good to complain about a job so I find the positive things about the job. It is getting better and I'm starting to do better in the job and enjoy it better all the time. I am a secret shopper and take jobs when I can. I enjoy filling in my time so I have something to do rather than sit home alone with my cats. On the weekends I teach a certification class to people that want to teach English overseas.

I usually like that job and usually feel I do a good job preparing my students. For the past few months I have no been teaching with as much passion as I have in the past. I am going through the motions and doing what I have always done, but I don't care as much as I have. I got really attached to my classes this summer that I compare my recent classes to that one and I don't feel I do as well. I keep looking for the students that I have had before and I don't see them. I am thinking about quitting my weekend job because I can't provide my students with 110% of my soul. I feel like I should give more.

In the past I have liked this job, but I don't feel I am excited about it and therefore how can I excite my students about it? I need my passion back, I need my confidence back, I need to know I am doing the best job I can as their teacher. I don't want to waste their time. I don't want to go through the motions without emotions. I have 2 more months of classes lined up and then I will take a one month vacation to rest. After that month I will probably not return to my teaching job. When my class finished today I was very sure that I would get bad teacher evaluations from this class. I know if I don't enjoy giving the class the students won't be happy in the class.

Is your mother fatter than you?

Today in my class we reviewed books. Sometimes when I read ESL books the questions asked are kind of funny and sometimes they are a little thought provoking. In one book today a student saw the question, "Is your mother fatter than you?". We were laughing because the question is very inappropriate and we are teaching that to non-native speakers. We also were wondering what the answer was supposed to be. This question worked perfectly with one of the lessons a student taught today on euphemisms.

 There are a lot better ways to ask that question than to phrase it that way. I think that would be an ESL lesson in itself, how to phrase questions so they don't offend people. He started the lesson by mentioning words like death, bathroom, and unemployed. He listed other words and phrases that we could use and then gave students lists of phrases and had them quiz their partner on what they could be euphemisms for. 

Sometimes ESL books list questions you are supposed to ask your partner. One of my favorite questions is, "If you were God what is one thing you would change in the world?". Common responses are that there would be no more world hunger or rid the world of war. My favorite response was by a Korean woman that said she would make Korean the "world language" so she could travel around the world teaching Korean, sort of like I did with English.

Another question that is fun to hear the answers is, "What would you do if you were invisible for a day?". The most common answers are to go to a woman's shower, to rob a bank, to go shopping and take any clothes they want. The most unique answer I got was a guy would go to sleep. I said that maybe he didn't understand the question, I explained that he could still walk around, but no one would see him so he could do anything he wanted and no one would know. He said he understood the question, but he is always asked to do things so if he was invisible he would like to just sleep to be by himself. 

Perfect teeth

When I was a Sophomore in college I got a ride home for Thanksgiving with a high school friend and his sister. I was riding in the back seat of their car and I was holding onto the seat belt. At that time we were not required to wear our seat belts so most people didn't. As I was holding onto the seat belt which was attached to the wall behind the driver's seat it came off and broke my tooth in half. I was in pain as well as shock that it had happened. The next day we went to the dentist, Dr. Slaughter, and he put a temporary crown on my tooth. A few weeks later I went back and got the permanent crown put on.

Even though that was 35 years ago I remember him centering the crown over my tooth then taking a big hammer and pounding that crown onto my tooth. It was really scary watching him do that, but it really didn't hurt. About 10 years later they had to do a root canal on that tooth since he didn't take out the root of the tooth. They drilled a hole in the back of the crown and took out the  root and filled in the hole. That was my front tooth and no one can ever tell it isn't my actual tooth. On very cold days that tooth gets cold to the touch which is the only time I notice it.

When I was in high school I had a consultation about getting braces. I have always hated my teeth and the back ones are really getting bad. The are almost laying down rather than straight up. I think it causes a lot of problems for me. The dentist told me at that time they would have to pull my four canine teeth and then I would be in braces for 3 years. I decided this was too much and I didn't do it. I have regretted that decision my whole life. I don't like my canine teeth and the braces would have been bearable to get the results I wanted.

While my three daughters were growing up their teeth were major concerns of mine as I thought about my teeth. My oldest daughter has always had fantastic teeth which she has been very proud of. The second daughter I didn't know about any problems, but one reason she is working in Korea now is to get braces which she is there. The youngest daughter needed braces when she was in 6th grade because her bottom teeth were cutting into her upper gums. This was a real financial hardship, but I am glad we did it. Now she is happy with her teeth and happy to smile for pictures or when she is happy. I think teeth are important for our looks!!

Continuation High School

This week I have been to 2 schools. They were both continuation high schools. The one school down south in Lemoore was located next to the high school. They shared facilities and some of the students had classes in the other high school. I was impressed with the students and they were all very polite. On my way home I got a call about a change in my schedule. I was told one school was cancelled and was asked to go to another school north of my home in Lodi. In Lodi I went to a continuation that was located in a building that was a school in the 1940s. The school was nice and well maintained, but it was still OLD.

Continuation high schools are designed for kids that have a problem with traditional high schools. Most of these students can't keep up with other students and go to continuation school so they can catch up with credits for classes they failed. Some students are very very smart and get bored in their classes and need another atmosphere so they can feel like they are accomplishing something in high school. The two schools I went this week were similar, but different. The students were well behaved in both schools and I could see they had drive. They decided to go to a continuation school rather than fail at the school they were going to.

One big problem for kids that want to go to the military is if they graduate from a continuation high school they have to get a higher score on the test to get in the military. It is kind of bad since the reason most kids go to continuation high schools is they can't do as well in Math and English classes and then to join the military they have to get a higher score on a test that is primarily Math and English.

2300 miles in 2 weeks!

Today is Sunday and the middle of the month. Tomorrow I will start the last two weeks of the month where I will be on the road a lot! Tomorrow I don't have any schools I have to visit so I will do a lot of paperwork visit some local schools and the offices I work with. In the afternoon I will drive 3 hours south to Lemoore, CA. On Tuesday I will work there and then go to  Tulare to help students prepare for their future. I will go home Tuesday afternoon. On Wednesday I will go to Sacramento for an hour meeting and then go to work in Tracy, CA. I will go home that night. Thursday I will go to Fresno, a 3 hour drive to work for an hour then come back home. On Friday I will tutor students and prepare them to excel on their tests.

The next week I have Monday off to travel again, this time to Paradise (city in California) which is a 4.5 hour drive. Then Tuesday I will work for an hour and drive home. Wednesday I will drive 3 hours south and visit Orange Cove High School for an hour and drive home. Thursday I am back in Tracy for an hour then drive home. On Friday I will drive to Colfax, CA which is in the mountains near Lake Tahoe. I just finished a Stephen King book, Sleep Doctor, on audio books and will download another one for next week. I will have a bunch of new photos in the next couple of weeks!

Pictures of people

Have you noticed that many times I put random pictures on this blog that have nothing to do with the subject matter? I like to show off my photography and this blog is the way I do that. I almost never put pictures of people on my blog because I almost never take pictures of people. When I'm at a school I can't since it is not ethical. Today I met my mom, sister, niece, and niece's son and took a few pictures. Some of them turned out very very good. I put them on facebook today and my mother complained that she didn't want her picture on line without her permission.

I had asked my niece permission to put her son's picture on my facebook page and would take his picture off if she wanted. I ended up taking all the picture off. I put pictures of my kids since I think I should be able to do that, they are my kids. I won't put pictures of people on my blog unless they are very special to me or I have their permission.

Masks

We all wear several masks in our lives. When I teach I am a different person than when I am at home. When I work in schools I try to put on a different face that when I am with friends. When I was in the Army I used to cuss a lot which is strange because four years before that when I was in high school I didn't even know any cuss words. I think the hardest thing in life is trying to find out which mask is the real us. Maybe the real person is a combination of those masks. We decide which mask to put on so that means that is the person we want to be.

I think life gets easier as you get older because those masks we put on start to blend into the total person we want to be. The higher up on the corporate ladder then less people you have to impress so the less masks you must wear. After you get married you have one or more less masks you must wear because you reached that goal. Part of maturing is realizing which masks to wear and which ones to discard. I guess that is why I haven't matured yet. I still try to impress different people. I hide my real feelings often from different people. I hide from different people that wonder why I am different than when I was their teacher.

I am learning not to wear so many masks in my life. I hate keeping secrets and have never liked keeping things inside me. I think the best policy is to not keep so much inside you and then you don't have to wear so many masks. I think it is easier for us here in America than in other countries because we don't expect people to fit in the stereotypes as in other countries. I am happy we have progressed as a society so much that we are not required to act a certain way. I think society matures also and less masks are required as societies mature.

Touring California by car!

Bishop, CA

Outside Yosemite

Going into Yosemite

 This week I have driven much around California. On Monday I started on the coast near San Francisco and then I drove 7 hours south through Yosemite National Park down past Mammoth Mountain to Bishop. On Tuesday I drove north of Bishop to Reno and then further north through Susanville, CA to Red Bluff, CA. On Wednesday I will go home to Sunnyvale, CA. This week was a little crazy. Next week I will drive more, but not as crazy as this week.

Yosemite with fire retardant

North of Bishop

Lake in Yosemite

Indian hut in Bishop

North of Bishop