Taehee or Theresa

Yesterday I met a Korean girl that has been living in San Francisco for 5 months. She had the same story of many foreigners that come to the USA to learn English, she hasn't made friends with anyone except people from her country. She introduced herself as Taehee and we talked for a while before a seminar I was teaching and she attended. She asked for my advice on how to make friends with Americans. I told her the first thing I would suggest to her is to change her name to an American name.

I told her the story about a girl in my class many years ago that was great. She had a very positive attitude about everything and was nice to everyone. She had a Vietnamese name that I couldn't pronounce and I didn't want to say it wrong so I never called on her. She was very friendly, but had no friends in class. I thought it had something to do with the same problem I had, no one wanted to insult her by mispronouncing her name. One day she came to me with her eyes watering and asked me why I didn't like her. I told her I didn't understand why she thought that and she told me that I never called on her. I told her I thought she was great, but I couldn't pronounce her name so I didn't call on her.

 She looked so sad that I asked her if I could give her an American name and she perked up and said she would like that. We decided on Sandy and I then told the class her new name. The following day Sandy was the most popular girl in class and everyone often talked to her and she had many friends in class. I then often had to tell Sandy not to talk so much in class.
I suggested to Taehee that she start by adopting an American name. I suggested Theresa since it sounded a lot like her Korean name. she agreed and I introduced her to everyone else as Theresa.

Many people disagree with me in giving people from other countries American names. They are purists and say that Americans should learn to accept people from other countries and embrace their multiculturism. I think individual people want to be accepted in a group. If Theresa is introduced to other people and they say hi and ask how she is that is a lot better than Taehee being introduced to a group and people automatically ask for her name again and again and then they focus on that rather than the person. Fight the multiculturism battle another time and become a part of the group first.

One of my favorite people is a Korean (SueHee) that grew up in Japan (Shoka) and then came to the USA (Sarah) and has friends around the world. People call her the name they know her as and she is well adjusted and feels comfortable where ever she is.