Spread thin

My office

When you read the title to this posting you think "spread thin" will have something about me doing so many things. I do many things. I work 5 days a week traveling to high schools in Northern California talking to students about jobs and careers. I also train recruiters on how to work with high schools. I have other things I do in work that take up time. I have been working for 2 or 3 hours this evening, a Saturday, so I don't fall behind on my job. I also teach on Weekends for Saturday and Sunday for 10 hours. For that job I have tasks to do during the week for preparation and after it is finished. I also do secret shopping which takes about 5 - 10 hours a week. I like to stay busy.

I like leaving the fog bank

Even though I juggle many different jobs it isn't difficult and it is more fun than not having enough to do. I enjoy all my jobs and I am finally able to make enough money to support myself and pay child support. The problem with being spread thin is I care too much. Is love finite? Is it possible to love so much that it slowly goes away? I'm not sure, but I know when I really care about something and then it goes away it is hard to regenerate that caring for the next time. Every teacher knows the feeling that comes over them at the end of the school year when they see the students they have helped develop over 9 months leave. It is like the "empty-nest syndrome".

Food trucks

For parents that happens once in a lifetime for each child. The child leaves then the parents deal with it and they still keep in contact with the child so that helps dampen the feelings. Classroom teachers go through this problem once a year. They have the 30 students they have cared for and nurtured for nine months leave at once. The kids they have loved like a parent leave, and often they never see the kids again. They might keep in contact through the years, but most of the time not. They do that every year, and then have 2 or 3 months to recover and prepare for the next class of 30 students that they will get close to.

Change of command ceremony

I have recently realize one of my problems is I go through that emotional high and low, when the class starts and when the students leave, every month. I really care about my students. I put my heart into my class and try to help all my students in ways they need. I truly care deeply for most of my students (I would say all, but I will be honest here). My weekend class only meets 6 days, but I concentrate on making them a close group and most of them share the same dreams that it often gets to be emotional on the last day. Even though we only spend 60 hours, in 6 days, I am usually able to build a close relationship with all the students.

I feel this should be my motto

I have had over 45 classes on the weekend. I have had over 400 students. It would be hard to keep in touch with them all. I probably have kept in contact with about 10 or 20. I feel a small part of me has left with each of my students. I know that sounds melodramatic, but I start to realize that is really true. I get very involved in each of their lives, I guide them how to improve their teaching skills. I help my students decide where they will go overseas and introduce them to people either in that country or that has been there in the past. I listen to their fears and give them advice in where and when to go overseas to teach ESL.

Ship bone yard near San Francisco

I teach a group of 15 - 20 students for 3 weekends then have one weekend off and start again the next month. I like teaching this class. I think I am very helpful to my students and most of them appreciate it. Recently I have realized that little pieces of me have been disappearing. It gets harder for me to bounce back. It gets harder for me to recover and not worry about the last class before starting the next class. I am not sure if love is finite, or as I get older my love takes longer to rejuvenate. I need to learn not to care so much. I need to learn from my youngest daughter to be able to let go and move on when something goes wrong. I am too emotional and too caring.