Depression

Sometimes I wonder if I suffer from clinical depression. I can't believe how my emotions control me, instead of me controlling my emotions. I cry easily, from watching sappy movies to thinking about bad things that happen to people to seeing injustices. I have problems sleeping sometimes, and it continues for many days until I just wear myself out. I feel like I am worthless and not important and I would rather not be around (not that I want to die, just I don't want to be around ... like I want to hide under my blankets). I looked up the symptoms of clinical depression and they are:

• you can’t sleep or you sleep too much
• you can’t concentrate or find that previously easy tasks are now difficult
• you feel hopeless and helpless
• you can’t control your negative thoughts, no matter how much you try
• you have lost your appetite or you can’t stop eating
• you are much more irritable, short-tempered, or aggressive than usual
• you’re consuming more alcohol than normal or engaging in other reckless behavior
• you have thoughts that life is not worth living 

 Most of these I have, except loosing my appetite. Then I realize that when I run I am able to combat most of these problems. When I run I sleep easily. When I run I am able to concentrate more and it helps me think about things that bother me and I figure out what I can do. When I run I feel better about myself, because I am able to do things I never thought I could do. I have mentioned that I run 5K races to my friends and everyone envies me! I don't often drink so that isn't a problem any way. Running 5K races gives me something to look forward to, and doing two a month I am never far away from my next race! I have never wanted to take anti depressant medication. Every time it is mentioned I get upset at the thought. I now realize that running is my anti depressant .. I wish I had discovered it before.