Sleepless Nights

I often have nights I can't sleep. When that happens I usually realize I can't sleep because I haven't gone to bed. In college I used to go to bed at 10pm because I was bored and decided just to go to bed. My roommate got a little upset at it and then we ended up joking about it. These days many things will upset me and I won't want to go to bed, and won't sleep on time. Yesterday I found out I would have to pay for an accident I had on a business trip last November. I got upset and mad and nervous about my job and ... many things. I had never been questioned about the accident by the person investigating and that upset me.

 This morning I notified my company and told them I would protest the investigation and they said don't worry about it they would just pay for it.They reminded me that last November when this happened they had planned on paying for it and it wasn't a big deal. I feel sad for causing my company turmoil, even though they said it isn't a big deal. Two days ago I was talking to a commander and I knew we were talking about two different things and he didn't realize it. I eventually got my point across and he said he realized how passionate I was and that was good.
I think I get passionate about many things.

I think that is my problem, I am not rational about things I just get passionate. I think that is why people don't understand me, I don't think and behave rationally. Tomorrow is the last weekend of class this month. In the morning I teach and then in the afternoon my students be presenting their final lesson. I tell them to prepare for this lesson like it is their interview for a job. Many teaching jobs ask applicants to present a lesson to show their teaching technique and if my students have done it for me then when they have their interview they will do much better. Some students don't put much effort into it, but most students put their heart into preparing for the lesson.

I know some of my students that are doing their presentations tomorrow are so nervous tonight that it is hard for them to sleep. That makes me also not able to sleep. One student asked me when that jittery feeling goes away. I said it goes away when teaching isn't important to you and you don't care about your students. On the night before the first day of class each month I have problems sleeping. I know my class changes many people's lives and I am nervous that I won't care enough to do my best. So, it is hard to sleep. I always hope that it won't affect me so much, but then again that feeling makes me know I care.

So, how to sleep? I know if I have some alcohol I sleep easier. I used to always have some beer in my house so I could drink it before I went to bed, but I usually had to get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. I usually try to avoid caffeine in the evening, but that is more passive than aggressive. Running helps. So, now I add that to my list why I need to run every day, and not put it off till tomorrow. I usually run between 7 and 9 so it isn't too dark or too cold. Tonight I ran at 10 because I know I need to do it. I have always said I don't like running and I still feel that way, but I also don't like getting up and going to work every day, but both are necessary evils.