Alone

Morning sunrise in California

I have been divorced for 10 years, and lived alone since then. I have had some relationships since then, but I am worried that I have done things to hurt the relationship myself. I live alone, and I spend most of my time alone. I go dancing on Friday nights alone. When I go dancing I go to the classes for two and a half hours and then hang around for thirty minutes and see if I can get someone to dance with me. I am not as forceful as other men to find a dancing partner and I eventually quietly leave. Today I went to the movies. I saw two movies, Captain America and Cowboys versus Aliens. I sat alone, I enjoy the experience of being around people and watching the movie in a big theater, rather than sit at home and watch a video or watch it on computer. Work for me is long drives and then work for a short time in a school with many people and then long drive alone home. I grew up in a family with five kids, and then I went away to college and hand lots of roommates. After college I was in the Army where I was always around with people and usually the boss. After the Army I was married and had a child, then two children. I taught English in Korea and lived in a house with two, then three kids and taught 8 - 10 hours a day either large classes or one to one. I came back to the USA and taught school and lived with my family, then taught in a training center where I was always around LOTS of people. Then I left the house and lived alone ever since. I have tried to get hobbies where I was around people. At first I worked a lot, 8 - 5 job then 6-9:30 night job. Then I picked up a gig where I worked Saturdays. I was always working, so home where only a place I slept. Then the day job stopped and then I the night job stopped, and the weekend job. Now I am alone, and comfortable with it. I wish I had someone to share my life with, but I have only found one person that fit into my life. That person is gone now, since I found a way to ruin the relationship, like always! I hope I find a way to quit ruining relationships. I want to be with people all the time, not alone all the time!!