Choices

This morning I went on a hike with my MeetUp group. I gave a friend a ride and on our way we passed her car and she saw that her car had been hit the night before. Luckily there was a note on her windshield with the man's name and insurance information. I convinced her to go to on the hike even though she felt miserable and we had fun. On the way home we passed a car that had smoke pouring out of the engine and I stopped on the side of the road to help push him to around the corner out of the flow of traffic. After I did that she made the comment that I always did nice things.

I told her that sometimes I don't feel like I have a choice. I have to do what feels like I am supposed to do. I told her that isn't always the best thing for me since sometimes I get hurt by my own choices. I helped her take care of her car on the way home and she and I discussed more about how my choices put others in a better position than me. Sometimes the fight for my job right now makes me worried that one of the other two people who does my job in California may get the job and I don't. Sometimes doing things for others is a strength and sometimes it is a weakness.

Last week I was helping another friend and realized that my help was preventing that friend from finding a way to do it themselves. I don't do things that hurt me and help the other person, but I also am compelled to help others or I regret it later. If I hadn't helped the man push him truck I would have thought about it for a week. Sometimes I feel my choices are not my choices. I feel compelled to do things and I have no choice about it. I want to make it a choice that I do because I want rather than a compulsion that I feel I must follow.

California ESL program is ineffective

Today met my daughter and some friends at an ice cream parlor. I don't often get to just sit and talk to my children's friends since I don't live with my kids. One of the friends is the guy she is going to the prom with next week (pictures coming ...) and the other one was a girl she has been friends with for 6 years. The girl, Twen, is Vietnamese and mentioned that I was the one that introduced her to Sarah. I was surprised and I had no idea what she was talking about. She reminded me when they were in 6th grade I substituted for an ESL class for a month.

She was in that class. That class was a mess. There was no learning going on, just crowd control. They had a variety of grade levels and English levels in one class. Every week they had one or two students added to the class and there was no way for any of them to leave. One of the students in the class didn't speak another language, but the school thought he was too slow for a normal class and since his last name was Spanish they put him in an ESL class. Since there was a constant stream of students into the class there were not enough desks for everyone.

Chaos, that sums up that class. They were being treated like special education, but most of them were smarter than the average student in the school. I went to the principal and asked him how these kids got out of the whole day ESL class and went into normal classes. Even special education wants to mainstream kids so they can feel productive and part of normal life. The California ESL system doesn't try to mainstream students, they want to keep them all together so they fail together. ESL students in California are not integrated into normal classrooms.

In the month I was a substitute teacher I found a way to get 6 - 10 of the students in that class out of that class. Twen was one of those students. She said that I had introduced her to Sarah during that time and Sarah helped her get comfortable with the normal classes. Twen told me she can remember the day I told her she would be able to attend normal classes. She said Eric was the other one that got permission that same day and they high fived each other. I can't imagine how that affected her life, if I hadn't been able to do that she wouldn't have enjoyed school so much.

If I hadn't been able to get her into a normal classroom she might have not been so successful in high school and been in leadership classes and gone into college to be a nurse. ESL classes are important in schools, my daughters were in ESL classes when they came back from Korea. That was in Arizona and it was a "pull out" program where students were pulled out to an ESL teacher for one hour a day a few days a week. ESL students can't be labeled ESL their entire scholastic career. My daughters spent half a school year in Arizona and by the time they came to California they were no longer labeled ESL.

I wish people that make decisions had those decisions affect them and their family and then they would rethink their fantastic ideas to save the world through our schools!

Traditional Church Service

Today I went to church for the first time this year. It wasn't a special day other than Mother's Day and my mom didn't go with me. I am looking for a job and a friend told me to go to church. She made a lot of sense to me so I went to church. Another girl I know is going through a lot of struggles these days and she often suggests I go to church. When I woke up this morning I looked at different churches I have gone to in the past year when I went to several different churches.

Three churches made the list of which I wanted to go. The one I thought I wanted to go to was a Baptist church in Santa Clara. This church the people were the nicest when I went last year. I know a few of the people through my daughter. They saw me in the church and made me feel very comfortable and welcomed. I looked up the start time this morning and it was 10 and then I read more and I saw it was an hour and a half service and I wasn't sure I wanted to do that.

I then looked at the second church and it is a "mega-church" with a lot of people and gym and always fun activities. I liked many aspects of the church because I have opportunities to meet single women and stay busy with their activities. But, it doesn't feel like a church. It feels more like an extravaganza each week. They put on a show for God, which is great, but not my cup of tea. The third church was a Presbyterian church in Sunnyvale. This church has a traditional service. Traditional songs that I don't really need to read the words because I know all the hymns.

I decided to go to the traditional service. I think we all go to a church we feel comfortable. That is why some services play more modern music with drums and guitars and even orchestras. Those kind of services have never felt like church with me. I went to church this morning. They sang a couple of songs I knew already. One man was baptized with water sprinkled on his head. Kids read the bible and made the prayer. I felt good and I will return. I think I will make it my church home, which I haven't had in a long time. It is nice to make decisions like this because it is what I want rather than worry if it is best for my children or family.

There is Hope

Over the past 5 years I have not really known who my boss was. It didn't matter who my boss was because I know what I need to do. The people that hired me have left and the people that replaced them have left. The people in charge now don't know what I do because they weren't around before I came. Now my job is re-education to my boss. I have been doing a weekly report for the past 3 years and the other two that do my job haven't so people see what I do, but not what they do.

I think the most important thing is communication with everyone up the chain so we get visibility. The other two have been resistant to my suggestion so I think it will be more difficult to get the message out. I am working on a report to be given to the Deputy Commander next week, but I am having another person give it to her and I think the message will get diluted. Let's see what happens. In the mean time I'm still looking for work and might take some classes to improve my teaching skills so I can make some money on the side if I need to.

Fighting for my job

Today I went to a meeting with my boss. This was a quarterly meeting with all of the services. The

Senior Nigh

briefer had a series of slides telling the problems and possible remedies. There were 10 problems and number 3 was the fact that the National Guard was allowing me to leave. He briefed that they didn't know what the solution would be if I was not there next year. My boss asked why that was on the briefing slide. The briefer said that I was an integral part of the California program and they didn't know how they would be able to function without me.

Last game in high school

I realized she didn't realize what I did in my job and that was part of the problem with why I was being let go. I spent and hour after the meeting explaining what happened in the meeting and why I was an integral part of the military recruiting in Northern California. If I want her to go to her boss to fight for MY job she needs to know more about what I do and the impact on the whole state if I am not retained. I am only one of a team of three so we need to go to the state as a team and let them know what we all do. I send my boss a weekly report and a monthly report telling her what I do. The other two don't do a report like I do.

My report for last month shows that in one month I made 54 presentations and talked with over 1000 students. For the school year I have made over 350 presentations and talked to over 9500 students. I have also been directly responsible for over 20 people that went into the service. I will write up briefing paper so she can bring the subject up to her boss with ammunition. I told her to call the top 5 recruiters in California and ask them how I, and the team I work with, help them do their job.

 I am still looking for a job, but I wouldn't mind keeping my job. I need people to see how important my job is and the things that wouldn't get done if I wasn't able to do it. I will work hard doing both in the next 76 days.

Value

Sea lion dancing for food

I stay in hotels about once or twice a week during the school year. I have always tried to keep my expenses low to save the company money. We are given a per diem, daily limit, of how much we can spend and I try to stay below that. I usually stay at lower end motels because they are more affordable. I was talking to someone last week that reminded me that even expensive hotels know they government rate and they will keep their prices down to that level if you can show identification. I have 84 days left in this job, and probably 5 or 6 more trips that I will stay overnight.

Purple carpet

A higher class hotel will have their rates different for government workers than their regular rates, sometimes 25% - 40%. A higher class hotel will have a gym for me to work out in rather than have to walk around the strange neighborhood. They don't have complimentary breakfast all the time, but I don't usually eat it. I can bring a small carton of orange juice and a wrapped pastry and it will be the same thing. Internet used to be a problem, but that has changed recently too. I found that to get a better value isn't always more expensive, it just sometimes takes looking a little harder.

Carmel Mission

People still don't believe me when I tell them I am looking for another job. All my friends and family know that I have been going through this process for the past 5 years at this time of year. They don't realize this is different. Before I was always given hope and told to work a little harder so people would know my worth. This time I have been told there is no hope and I need to find another job. It is frustrating and a little demoralizing. I refuse to go into a slump again because I allowed myself to give up for a week and now I need to fight back.

But has to come down sometime

Jumped over the water

Today I sent out some resumes. I'm not sure I want to job yet, but I need to start trying.

Moving on ...

Yesterday I had to be in Sacramento at 9am so I left my house at 6:30 so I wouldn't be late. I had a meeting with a man I work with about a problem I expect to come up in a meeting in a few days. I want to make sure the problem is not a problem during the meeting. I work for the National Guard recruiters and the Army recruiters are upset that one of our recruiters is doing what he is supposed to be doing, the way I trained him, and they don't get the chance to be lazy. I wanted to brief the man that will be running the meeting to prepare him for the questions the Army will bring up.

The National Guard recruiter asked me who will do that when I leave and I told him no one. He is on his own and I wish him the best. I will try to make the transition smooth when I leave. I am trying to prepare the staff for when I leave since I have only 80 days left for my job. I have been working in this job for 5 years and I want to leave a lasting impression. I want the Army recruiters all over the state complaining that the National Guard recruiters are more successful than the other services. I don't want anyone to think I am shirking my duties while I'm looking for another job.

Yesterday I updated my information on www.USAJOBS.GOV which is used to find government jobs. I put on the information about my current job and updated my references and contact information. I started getting emails from companies, mainly insurance companies, that saw my resume on www.monster.com. One was interesting and I responded to it. One insurance company said they were looking for someone to make presentations to businesses about changes in the national health insurance. I responded to the email that I wanted to know more about it.

 I am also letting my friends and acquaintances I meet that I am looking for a job. I know many people that speak English as a Second Language and one problem many of them have is their accent is so heavy that no one can understand what they are saying. My friend made the suggestion that I start teaching accent reduction. She sent me some advertisements about a person in this area that teaches it and charges $1600 for a six week class. I will start to look into getting certification for that. I want to keep my options open and look into all sorts of possibilities.

Job Hunting

I have helped lots of people get jobs over the past few years and I hope I have built up enough Karma to make my next transition an easy one. In January I heard that the national contract I have been under for the past five years won't be renewed. This has happened in the past, but they always told us that there was hope. This time they told us there was no hope that it would be extended. The three of us that work in California then looked at the state to see if they would pick up our contract. I talked to one of the decision makers yesterday and he told me he didn't see any way the state could keep us.

I talked to another man that I work with and he relayed the information that he had heard from his boss that the state didn't have the funds to retain us. I have been very depressed over the past 2 days and wanted to just stay in bed with my head under the covers. Unfortunately this week has set records for heat and I would have sweated profusely if I had done that. So tonight I decided the depression should go away and I will start looking for future employment. I got my past 2 jobs with Monster.com so tonight I updated that posting and made it searchable. Tomorrow I will go to my three bosses and ask for letters of recommendation.

So, the search has begun. I will update this blog with what is going on just so I feel I must do something each day so I can write about it. I also will must most of my priority to ensure that the people I work with won't be hurt by my leaving. it isn't their fault I lost my job, it is just the economy of reducing the size of the military. I also started going to the gym again so I can keep my health at it's peak to endure the ups and downs of job hunting. The school year is almost over and I want to do the best job I can to support the schools that I work with. These days I listen to the theme of Indiana Jones often to give me inspiration.

In fact that is my wake up alarm music. I am off to a new adventure and I don't know where it will take me. It might be local, it might be back to Monterey, or it might be in another country. Let me adventure begin and I will keep you updated on all news!!

Need for Speed

Point Arena - Where they end

On Friday I went to the movie Need for Speed. Most of this movie is about a fast car driving across America, from somewhere on the east coast to San Francisco, California. After they get to San Francisco there is a race from the central valley to the coast. That whole area is where I drive for work. 

Avenue of the Giants

It was fun to watch that sequence because many of those places I have driven. The drove through the redwoods, up the coast, and end up at a lighthouse I go to once a year. It is kind of funny that the most entertaining part of the movie to me was identifying the locations they were driving through.

R.I.P. Lou

Yesterday I was taking a nap in my bedroom around 3pm and I heard a scream outside. I didn't think anything of it since I have a large apartment complex behind me and I often hear noises from there. This scream didn't stop for 2 or 3 minutes so I looked out my window and I saw a woman standing on the porch next to me screaming. I started to listen to what she was screaming and I realized she was saying her brother was dead. I put on my shoes and walked to her.

As I walked up she was talking on the phone, it sounded like she was calling 911 and explaining what was going on. She said she had been trying to call her brother for the last 4 days and couldn't get a hold of him so she came over to investigate. She went inside, the door was wide open, and found Lou on the floor of the hallway and he was dead. She said his skin was cold, very cold. She then said she didn't try to keep him warm because he was dead. She started to get very frustrated on the phone and it sounded like the person on the other end kept questioning if she was sure he was dead.

She finally hung up and I just walked up to hug her. I didn't know what to say. I suggested she come to my house and wait for the police or fire or ambulance, whatever would be coming. As we got to my door the police and paramedics drove up. She talked to them to explain what happened and they went into the house next door and I brought her into my house and had her sit down. She asked me to call her sister and then daughter. I called them both and explained what was going on and asked the daughter to come. Her brother called a few minutes later and asked me some questions.

How do you break this kind of news to relatives of people you don't really know? How do you tell a sibling that their brother has died and found by his sister? I can't answer that, I don't know. I know I am too blunt and there is a better way than just telling them what happened, but I am me. All I can do is the best I know, I know I would want to know why a stranger called as soon as possible rather than have them try to break me the news slowly. I would think the worse that is possible as they were trying to ease into the reason they called. So I just told them what had happened and told them my phone number and asked them to call when they needed more information.

I also didn't know if I should sit in the living room with the sister or if I should give her some time to grieve alone. When I had people to call I went outside with the door open so I could talk to the person alone and answer their questions without having the sister hear it over and over. I also called Lou's best friend since 1961. I had seen him next door often so I felt I knew him. He came over. The daughter from Santa Cruz, about 40 minutes away. As they were talking I was handling a business phone call and talking to the police. The coroner investigator came and checked out the scene. The police asked the sister some questions and took some pictures.

When I had nothing to do I got the people in my house, the sister and her daughter and the best friend, some water and told them I would be in my room if they needed anything and went back into my room. After about 30 minutes to an hour I heard some loud voices, the police, and went to the living room. The coroner was taking the body away in a white unmarked van and the police were leaving. The friend went into Lou's house and got the guns, about 6, that he had in his living room. They were the friends guns that Lou was keeping since the friend had roommates and he didn't' want the guns around them.

I told them if they ever needed me to check on something for them to call me or email me and they gave me a key. I will clean up outside as much as I can over the next few days. The daughter had her mother drive over to her house after we determined she was ok to drive. When they left I started to cry. I couldn't while they were here so I was able to grieve after they left. I have lived here for over 10 years and have always told people I have the BEST neighbors. On one side is an older Vietnamese couple that is always very helpful to me even though they don't speak English well.

On the other side is Lou. He and I have always been close since we are both older single men. He would always be helpful when I needed something. I would often borrow his ladder to get on top of my house. He would sit outside on summer evenings and listen to the Giants game and have a beer, I would miss that when he wasn't out there some evenings. He had to quit his job a few years ago when he had high blood pressure and they wouldn't let him drive a truck any more. He grew marijuana outside his door once  because he had a medical card.

A few years ago he got in an accident and was convicted of DUI and then he didn't have a car any more and has been riding a bicycle. He had a Harley Davidson motorcycle and would push it out to the street rather than start it up right outside my window so it wasn't too loud for me, and would turn it off and coast it into his driveway for the same reason. He hasn't ridden it since the DUI. For the last couple of years I would see him outside his door with a circular saw and when I asked him what he was doing he told me he was making sling shots and then go practice with them till they broke then he would make another.

He was a great guy and I will really miss him as my neighbor. Our homes are so close together that I must get along with my neighbor. I will grieve for Lou for a long time.

Small schools with big heart

This morning when I woke up I thought I would be working at a school for an hour then drive 4 hours to Lake Tahoe and stay the night there and then work there for an hour tomorrow morning and then drive home 4 hours. After working at the school I checked my email and found out the school in Lake Tahoe was being covered by someone else so I could drive home.That would be a 2 hour drive and I would be home! After 30 minutes of driving I got a call and they asked me to cover another school this afternoon.

I had 2.5 hours to do the 2 hour drive so I headed east! As I was driving I got a call from a coworker and he needed me to fill out some paperwork so he could do his job so I stopped by McDonald's and filled out the paperwork and emailed to him.This school is literally an hour from any where and the town it is in has a population of 250. About 45 minutes from school my low fuel light went on. I had not even looked at how much gas I had and it said it would be empty in 30 miles.

I drove 10 miles with my car saying, "0 miles until empty", but I made the gas station and made it to the school on time! I went into the office and the secretary called in the Principal/Superintendent. Really it was the secretary/janitor. There were 31 students in the school and I was meeting with 25 of them so I guess there are 6 freshmen since I don't meet with freshmen. After I finished I drove home and got home at 6pm rather than noon as I had thought. Tomorrow I actually get time to do my reports rather than have to do them on Saturday.